Blah....Blah...Blah....

Completely lost in this MESS!!

2006-06-17T03:15:00.000-07:00

Being the kind of girl who’s pleased when she’s right and the kind of girl who will always say “told you so” , but at this time I’m not pleased at all, cause I’m right about life being not able to give me back wat i want and my mind is telling my broken heart “I told you so”...

I don’t want to look back, cause i know what.. its not going to help me. Just accept the present and learn from the past so maybe in the future i wont want to look back anymore. I always ask from fate where are you when I need you, where are you when I’m hurt.. & where are you when I don’t need you, where are you when I’m finally happy without you, where are you when I think I’m over you… You’re right beside me asking for another chance… but how can it work this way?? And as much I say I don’t like you this way, more i think about the way it could have been. All I wanna do is have some stability, and I’ve got a feeling I’m not the only one everything is finally working out for everyone, everyone is getting everything they want. i`m extremely happy for them because they all deserve it, but i can`t help but to wonder why it can`t happen to me..

Mess? This isn't a mess. It's my way of looking at organization called LIFE

Tryin to see if i am perfect, n thought of changing my name to nobody... I dont lie, I just sometimes forget to tell some tiny little details…We live in a world where time means everything, but no one has got any. Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans

Some things in this life are too much fun to only have ones in some cases.. Unbelievable pleasure… Life is like glass. It is better to leave it broken than to hurt yourself trying to piece it back together. There are things you don't want to happen, but you gotta accept .. there are things that you don't want to know, but you have to learn .. and there are people you can't live without, but you have to let go. Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It's means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.

Sometimes you need to run away to see what will follow you. Never try to hold on to something that is no longer there, it will just hurt you even more. It’s not a matter of forgiveness, it’s a matter of changing, something that you just can’t seem to do … Don’t make someone a priority who only makes you an option.
Is it the fear of losing everything…

You can always close your eyes to the things you don't wanna see...but you can't close your heart to the things you don't wanna feel. I've got a mind boggling, sense numbing, heart pounding, stomach flipping, take my breath away, head over heels, knee slapping, daydreaming, butterfly fluttering now when i am talking of Fate of Life..
no matter how many coins you throw in a fountain, or the number of fingers you cross, if it's not meant to be, it won't happen..

Some things are easier when we walk away and act normal as far as normal is normal… Let the pain flow trough your heart and let the truth be told… Everything cost something, some things cost everything. It's not about keeping your promises, it's about following your heart.

The simple things mean the most. When you think everything is good, the good decides to go. Being diseved is like being cut, the pain hurts, and even after you've forgotten it and maybe even forgiven, theres still the scar to remind you it was there.

Sometimes in life, You make a right, When later you realize You should have made a left. ...And by the time you realize You should have made a left, It’s too late... You’re lost. This isn't a perfect world - people do get 'hurt', you 'smile' when you feel like 'crying', you act like you're "okay" when you're falling apart, you let go and move on because there is NOTHING else you can do.

Life's funny sometimes. It can push pretty hard, like when you fall in love with someone but they forget to love you back, like when your best friend or your boyfriend leave you alone, like when you pull the trigger or light the flame,& you can't take it back. Like I said, in sports, they call this stepping up. In life, I call it pushing back .
The best things in life aren't actually things.

Indescribable Mood!!

2006-06-10T06:27:00.000-07:00

Why i have to become happy and frustrated and pissed off all at the same time??? I'm sick of the situations where i can't make up my mind. I want to be released from the presures of ....everything. I keep thinking I need something in my life , but the truth is I don't. I need to do something to get my life in order and just not give a shit about people around me anymore. All they do is bug your head and your life and screw up your plans. I'm gonna start making plans with me in mind. I'm gonna do what's good for me and if someone wants to join in along the way then great, but I will know that the choices I'm making are for me and are my ideas. I feel right now like i'm going crazy. Maybe I just need to shut myself off from the crazys that surround me.

I just wish I could figure my life out. Everytime I think I understand what's going on...Something twists or turns it. Something makes it become soemthing else. Then I feel like I'm back to square one again. I just want to find where I belong... my place in this world... what God has in store for me. I feel like he keeps giving me twists and turns and I just want to tell him i can't take it anymore. I want to scream in frustration!!!Jesus I'm sick of this indescribable mood of mine!

Girl N Grown Women!!

2006-06-03T05:06:00.002-07:00

Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to
call and make plans.
Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits in.

Girls want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need
controlling.

Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn't.

Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it-- using it as a time for personal growth.

Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.

Girls make you come.
Grown women make you come home.

Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.

Girls try to monopolize all their man's time (i.e, don't want him
hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a lil' bit of space makes the ''together time even more special -- and goes to kick it with her own friends!

Girls think a guy crying is weak.
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.

Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that that was just one man.

Girls fall in love,chase aimlessly after the object of their affection,
ignoring all signs'.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, don't
always love you back-- and move on, without bitterness.

This is something i read n I freaking LOVED it!! It's soooo true too!! I will admit it though currently am between the Girl and Grown Women.

What you too?

2006-05-16T02:32:00.000-07:00

Received this quote as a sms on my cell and thought to share it.

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one!'"
-- C.S. Lewis

It's not exactly like the point in Art of Living last day session but still remembered when we are asked to share our life our struggles, frustrations, or vulnerabilities with the conversation partners. Inevitably, the people are paralyzed at first, fearing that their conversation partners will think less of them. But after you start sharing, can't get to stop talking because everyone has had similar experiences or know people who have and they start offering advice, contacts, and understanding.

Its so strange i thought when i read that but then later on thinking of it i can recall a couple of names in my life were we started our friendship with

"What! You too? I thought I was the only one!"

Am i becoming a HOARDER???

2006-04-13T01:54:00.001-07:00

I always believed I’ll never be content with what I have, but will be happy with who I am. My worth is not equal to my bank balance nor does my home, my car and my clothes are, at best, a reflection of who I am. And there is something more to me than my possessions.

But recently dont know how n why a twist of events have brought me to a time when i have started believing the more money u have, the happier u'd be. But again this proved untrue. I never had enough. And the more I had, the more I was afraid to lose.

Learning to live with an open hand is admittedly not an easy task.Its a lifelong process. At the end, if you want a nest egg, saving money makes sense; giving it away does not.

Oh jesus am I becoming a Hoarder?????

Kids who need u...

2005-11-07T21:40:00.000-08:00

Every single day, 30,000 children are dying as a result of extreme poverty. I think we have the resources, knowledge and opportunity to end this shameful situation.There are children who come to this world but their arms are stretched in search of a MOTHER and FATHER's love. Lets open our heart for such children. Lets have prayer for such children. I know its difficult to become a father or mother by having such a children in our lap, but we can atleast help such a child by sponsering him for his or her requirements. So...

Long time...

2005-09-13T10:19:00.000-07:00

Blogging…well when I started with this I thought I would be able to spend an hour everyday here. It really seemed that easy. Now when I look back at the last post I made thing really don’t seem so easy. Jesus I wonder how do so many folks manage to blog so regularly? I don’t miss out reading blogs but ya when I start to type a post I generally receive some mail or an old buddy joins in for a chat and that’s the end of my blah blah blah…

The Music Tag!!

2005-07-08T11:56:00.000-07:00

Hey this time tagged by Srini. Well I'm very much a music person. Always want to have some music around. But never thought i would ever list down the songs i listen to n believe it was so difficult to cut down the list...

Last album I bought
Hmmm…difficult to remember but I tink it was
Morning Mantras by Sadhana Sargam n Ravindra Sathe

Next album(s) I want to buy
Madhushala though I have the one in Manna Dey’s voice, still wanna buy the one by Amitabh Bachhan.

Last song I downloaded
Hmm...long time i think it was the Zeher song "lamhe dj mix"

Last song I heard before this post
You Sang To Me - Marc Anthony

All time favorite bands
MLTR

All time favorite songs
Hindi
Tumko dekha to yeh khayal aya - Jagjit Singh
Chitthi na koi sandesh - Jagjit Singh
Hothon se chu lo tum - Jagjit Singh
Mein Aur Meri Awargi - Kishor Kumar
Woh Sham Kuch Ajeeb - Kishor Kumar
Kya yahin pyar hai - Rocky
Yeh naina yeh kajal - Kishor Kumar
Ishq Hota Nahin - Jogger's Park
Mann ki lagan - Paap
Lots more...

English
I'm gonna be around - MLTR
Return To Innocence - Enigma
(Everything I Do) I Do It For You - Bryan Adams
Nothing's Gonna Change My Luv For U - Glenn Medeiros
Have I told you lately that I Love You - Rod Stewart
Strange Foreign Beauty - MLTR
25 Minutes - MLTR
Love Will Never Lie - MLTR
Thats Why You Go Away - MLTR
Someday – MLTR
Sleeping Child - MLTR
Breaking my Heart - MLTR
Nothing to Lose - MLTR
One And One - Robert Miles
When you say nothing at all - Ronan Keating
I Will Be There For You - Jessica Andrews
Until I Find You Again - Richard Marx
Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx
I'll Be There For You - Rembrandts
Miss you like crazy - Natalie Cole
To be with you - Mr.Big
Will you be there - Micheal Jackson
How Am I Supposed To Live Without You - Michael Bolton
All You Need Is Love - Lynden David Hall
I'd love you to want me - Lobo
Hello - Lionel Richie
Just Cant Get You Off My Mind - Lenny Kravitz
Turn Me On (Remix) - Kevin Little
The trouble with Love is - Kelly Clarkson
Like I love you – justin timberlake
Remember Me This Way - Jordan Hill
Stay The Same - Joey McIntyre
Wonderful tonight - Eric Clapton
Love will keep us alive - Eagles
Hotel California – Eagles
Two Steps Behind - Def Leppard
I Just Died In Your Arms - Cutting Crew
The lady in red - Chris de Burgh
I've finally found someone - Bryan Adams
Summer Of - Bryan adams
The day we find Love - 911
Because Of You - 98 Degrees
N...

All time favorite lead singers
Jagjit Singh
Kishor Kumar

All time favorite lead guitarists
!!!!????

Total Songs(mp3s) I have on my office comp
Well i listen to online music so never looked out for songs on office comp.

Total songs(mp3s) I have on my home comp
3500 might be more.

Total Music CDs I've burned
8 or 9 don’t remember

People who have to take this up
Anyone reading this and who r music lovers, pls do let me know about your choices
might get some good music added to my playlist!

Hmmm…the first Tag!

2005-07-08T11:23:00.000-07:00

So time to let people know me. Ok…
N the credit for my first tag goes to Naren. N here I go…

Names You Go By:
Deepa
Dips
Dippo

Three Screen Names You Have Had:
Fightfriendsfight
The lost one
Dips

Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:
Side of the face below the left eye,
Side of the face below the right eye,
Ok… my Cheeks

Three Physical Things You Don't Like About Yourself:
My nose
My eyes
My hair (though long have bad texture)

Three Parts Of Your Heritage:
Locational
Nagpur

Characteristic heritage:
Emotional
Impatient
Talkative

Three Things That Scare You:
Destiny
Death
Nothing else

Three Of Your Everyday Essentials:
Chit Chattin
Hence A good listner
A good friend

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
Cream color 3/4ths
Blue t-shirt
Specs

Three Things You Want In A Relationship:
Are the three R’s
Respect for self;
Respect for others;
Responsibility for all your actions.

Three Physical Things About the Opposite Sex That Appeal To You:
Smile...it's all about the smile
Good ears has to be a gd listener
Tall...taller than me

Three Things You Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:
Put on good music
Switch off the lights
Sleep tightly

Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation:
Australia
Egypt
African Jungles

Three Kids Name You Like:
Anjum
Revati
Urvi

Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
Well the only thing I wanna do is take up responsibility of those kids who for some reason have a very short life n their parents have given up their responsibilty.

Three People Who Have To Take The Quiz Now:
Anyone reading this and are interested, can freely do it!

When God Created Fathers

2005-06-20T13:43:00.000-07:00

A story worth reading...

When the good Lord was creating fathers, He started with a tall frame. And a female angel nearby said, "What kind of father is that? If you’re going to make children so close to the ground, why have you put fathers up so high? He won’t be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child in bed without bending, or even kiss a child without a lot of stooping."
And God smiled and said, "Yes, but if I make him child size, who would children have to look up to?"
And when God made a father’s hands, they were large and sinewy.
And the angel shook her head sadly and said, "Do you know what you’re doing? Large hands are clumsy. They can’t manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands on pony tails or even remove splinters caused by baseball bats."
God smiled and said, "I know, but they’re large enough to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets at the end of a day…yet small enough to cup a child’s face."
Then God molded long, slim legs and broad shoulders.
The angel nearly had a heart attack. "Boy, this is the end of the week, all right," she clucked. "Do you realize you just made a father without a lap? How is he going to pull a child close to him without the kid falling between his legs?"
God smiled and said, "A mother needs a lap. A father needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, balance a boy on a bicycle or hold a sleepy head on the way home from the circus."
God was in the middle of creating two of the largest feet anyone had ever seen when the angel could contain herself no longer. "That’s not fair. Do you honestly think those large boats are going to dig out of bed early in the morning when the baby cries? Or walk through a small birthday party without crushing at least three of the guests?"
And God smiled and said, "They’ll work. You’ll see. They’ll support a small child who wants to "ride a horse to Banbury Cross" or scare off mice at the summer cabin, or display shoes that will be a challenge to fill."
God worked throughout the night, giving the father few words, but a firm authoritative voice; eyes that see everything, but remains calm and tolerant.
Finally, almost as an afterthought, He added tears. Then He turned to the angel and said, "Now are you satisfied that he can love as much as a mother?"
By Erma Bombeck

MY FIRST MALE – FEMALE RELATIONSHIP…

2005-06-20T12:09:00.000-07:00

Hmmm... 3rd Sunday of this month celebrated as fathers day. Earlier having a day to celebrate a relationship was like an attention grabber to me . Today when me n dad for some reason dont get that quality time to spend with eachother i thought let me take this day as an opportunity to tell how special he is.
The one with whom I had my first male-female relationship. Well he was the one who showed me my first reflection as a female. Many things were learned and taught to me through him. I could relax, feel affectionate and safe with certain males around me and the first one to make me feel this was again none other than my dad. As a child if i start writtin about him it will be an unending post.
But today when my parents want me to get admission in the institute called MARRIAGE, my dad again though indirectly has taught me what kind of relationships are healthy, what to look for in a partner, and what to expect of men in relationships.
My mother and father have equally contributed to my development . But somewhere my relationship with dad was more influential. He has helped me a lot in my intellectual and psychosomatic development. My relationship with him has always defined my interpersonal relations.
There r lots of blogs where i have been reading ablout women gurlz but dont remember anywhere reading about men so here i would confess that a man in the role of a father is a tremendous gift in a girl's or should say a woman's life.

Why Women Cry ?

2005-06-16T13:40:00.000-07:00

Why are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom?
"Because I'm a woman," she told him.
"I don't understand," he said.
His Mom just hugged him and said,
"And you never will, but that's O.K.".......

Later the little boy asked his father,
"Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?".
"All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say......

The little boy grew up and became a man,
still wondering why women cry.
Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to
him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?"

GOD answered......

"When I made woman,
I decided she had to be special.
I made her shoulders
strong enough to carry
the weight of the world; yet,
made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...

I gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth
and the rejection that many times will come
even from her own children.
I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going
and take care of her family and friends, even when
everyone else gives up; through sickness and
fatigue without complaining....

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all
circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly....

She has the very special power to make a child's
boo-boo feel better and
to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....

I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults
and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband
never hurts his wife, but
sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand
beside him unfalteringly....

For all of this hard work,
I also gave her a tear to shed.
It is hers to use whenever needed and
it is her only weakness....
When you see her cry,
tell her how much you love her, and all she does for
everyone, and even though
she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.

She is Special!

Hey this goes with a toast for all the women around. And ya you all men around do understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.
Love her, Respect her, and Keep her smiling becos women need not always keep their mouths shut and their wombs open.

Return of Innocence...

2005-06-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

Sometime in the last week while chatting to an old school pal for some reason he told me let people accept u the way u r. That time I thought hmmm this all sounds good to hear but how many around me follow it. Not always but number of times we have to think of the reactions to our actions and have to end up doing something which we never wanted to do.

Today afternoon was listening to “Return of Innocence” n the song always takes me back to my childhood days, full of transparency, when was least bothered about who said what to whom.

But today after listening to the lines…

Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence

If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny

Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence

i thought are we going wrong somewhere I mean is it not right to say that for past few birthdays we have not celebrated getting older but have celebrated the change of innocence to ambiguity within us. I wish these beautiful lines will help me to at least get some part of transparency I had in me.

The Quandary...

2005-06-16T00:31:00.000-07:00

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental

To reach out for another is to risk involvement

To expose feeling is to risk rejection

To place your dreams before the crowd is to
risk ridicule

To love is to risk not being loved in return

To go forward in the face of overwhelming odds is
to risk failure

But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard
in life is to risk nothing

The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing,
is nothing.

He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he cannot learn,
feel, change, grow or love

Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave

Only a person who takes risks is FREE.

- Author unknown

The Scary Wedding Galore...

2005-06-10T02:51:00.000-07:00

A Photo (of friends) sits in the hands of my teddy next to the bed. When the day gets long and start getting lost, I take a moment and look at it. It not only reminds me of how important I am for people around me but also the good times we have shared and the support that their friendship still gives me today.

Though our lives have gone in different directions, some have moved away, some attending college or establishing their own lives alone or with their spouse... I think the bond we created has kept us close till date. Rare is the week that I don’t get a message on my cell from one of them “coffee at Radhika” or a beautiful friendship quote.

But hey what’s happening on this earth seems the time is too lucky for weddings, or is it just something in the air? For last two yrs I have attended the bridal showers for almost a dozen of friends. Last week I attended one more. Life's about changing. Nothing ever stays the same. But this time it gave me the 'weird' feeling of losing good people around. Kind of shocking it's hard to believe, but just a few more years and these guys are going to be EMPTY-NESTERS with kids in college. Man that really fries my brain.

My friends always carried me through a lot of difficult experiences, and have enriched the good ones. It is the kind of friendship that outlasts disagreements, changes, and separation.

So hope this WEDDING GALORE – the new phase of life, will not break our SACRED BOND.

A day at an altitude of 1372 mts.

2005-04-21T11:31:00.000-07:00

A close friend getting married in May. All of us very happy for her but same time emotional, sentimental, etc. etc. We girls decided to spend some quality time with her; hmmm actually we also wanted a change from our daily drudgery of life.
The day decided to njoy the SPINSTER status was 26th march’05.

4 of us packed our bags and took a state transport bus early morning. Within 3 hrs. the beauties were at the “Queen” of Maharashtra’s hill stations – Mahabaleshwar.

The place is favorite of both puneites and mumbaites. Also being holi on the same day it was too crowded infact all the hotels and resorts were full and a few which were not were too expensive. Finally after an hour-n-half we managed to get a place which suited our pockets also. After dumping our stuff and a heavy meal we booked a local taxi.

With the serpentine rides through the thick verdure we explored n number of valley viewpoints scattered around. There was one called monkey point and it’s said that you can see three monkeys on some hill around. We were struggling to c those but I wonder why when i already had 3 around me rt. from pune. Heehaw...

The spiritual experience for the day was the visit to the Panchganga temple where it is believed that water from five holy rivers comes out. The Bombay point also called the sunset point, a huge open space with a bandstand, was the most beautiful sight. I can never in my life forget the majestic view of the various shapes and shades of sunset I saw there. This was the time when I said to myself, Dee... every yr. atleast once u should come here to be with these beautiful shades…
By evening we returned to our room. After a wash and relaxing for a while the DEDICATED BARGAIN HUNTERS decided to go to the market place.

Was not really interested much so thought of draining my mobile battery and started to talk nineteen to the dozen till the time we went for dinner.
Hmmm after sauntering through those dusty paths finally time came to give rest to my holy feet...

A step ahead...

2005-02-20T05:18:00.000-08:00

My frendz say...

She goes BLAH....BLAH......BLAH......BLAH......!!!
the most talkative person they've ever met!

Hmmm... i thought dee... if u r so good at talking check out how good u r at typing i mean writing.

After reading lots of bloggers i thought lets give a try from here only i think even writing is a great way of communication.